Week 1-D2

Well looks like I made it through the first day of these divorce proceedings, it was not easy.  Nicotiana is fighting for me.  Nicorettes commercials are the truth "Quitting sucks, nicorette makes it suck less!"  I chewed  4pieces yesterday to get through my day.  They taste like regular gum at first, until it feels like someone filled your mouth and throat with pepper spray as the nicotine oozes out.  This method seems like it will work best for me tho...I have tried the patch, hated it! and Chantix, not for me, I can do this gum thing, in spite of the fire in your throat syndrome...my wife would say "well, Cancer burns worse!!" which is probably true!`

I love my wife and son and it bothered me that they weren't enough to stop.  I thought that when I saw his little face for the first time a year ago I would immediately quit...not so!  I have come to the conclusion that addiction is not only biological and psychological, its SELFISH!! I got nicorette for the biological, Dr Grant for the psychological but the selfish part is killin me! On my ride to work yesterday, I was looking in the cars, and it seemed like EVERYONE was smoking, I was like "Fuck that, if they can smoke, why can't I?"  I bet they have kids, wives etc...Why do they still get to smoke???  After lunch...Oh yeah, the smoking patio was poppin off...Oh yeah and I forgot to mention I didn't smoke cigarettes.  I was a consumer of the Urban Tipped Cigar of choice...yes you said it...The Black and Mild, a good friend (welcome back to domestic soil soldier, we missed u!) referred to it as the "Colt 45 of cigarettes" LOL...I'm mentioning that to say that all the White and Asian people are always like "OOOHHH that smells soooo good!"  I was like the smoking patio cool guy with my hood cigars!!

In short I made it, but I learned that my selfish trigger is the most dangerous...not seeing lighters, or driving past a 7-Eleven or any  other random store...It's my "Fuck that" which my biggest threat in these divorce proceedings.  Today is a new day and I will not smoke. The grad class I teach starts tonight and have no idea what to do on my break...