Week 1- D4 The TEST!!

Football season is back, a time where my bar attendance is increased and social drinking nearly quadruples.  Went out to watch the Ohio St v Miami game today with a couple friends...one of whom smokes...heavily.  Now this is one of my closest friends, but when you think of this guy, you know there will be some smoking goin on...As I parked my car, I checked and double checked to be sure that the Nicorette was in my pocket...Several times during the game our visiting friend went out to smoke...times when I would have normally been with him...This time however, I got the pleasure of smelling the "Third Hand Smoke" that accompanied him upon his return....{"Rabin, R.C. (1/29/2009) A New Cigarette Hazard: Third Hand Smoke;New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/03/health/research/03smoke.html... http://www.livescience.com/health/third-hand-smoke-100209.html}  .  I couldn't believe how terrible the smell was now that I was not smoking.  I believe that I might owe my wife an apology...what a stench!!  I thought that I would be tempted, but I wasn't, not saying that the thought didn't cross my mind, but I was able to manage it successfully!!! ...my current caloric intake, not so much (To be continued)

Week 1-D2

Well looks like I made it through the first day of these divorce proceedings, it was not easy.  Nicotiana is fighting for me.  Nicorettes commercials are the truth "Quitting sucks, nicorette makes it suck less!"  I chewed  4pieces yesterday to get through my day.  They taste like regular gum at first, until it feels like someone filled your mouth and throat with pepper spray as the nicotine oozes out.  This method seems like it will work best for me tho...I have tried the patch, hated it! and Chantix, not for me, I can do this gum thing, in spite of the fire in your throat syndrome...my wife would say "well, Cancer burns worse!!" which is probably true!`

I love my wife and son and it bothered me that they weren't enough to stop.  I thought that when I saw his little face for the first time a year ago I would immediately quit...not so!  I have come to the conclusion that addiction is not only biological and psychological, its SELFISH!! I got nicorette for the biological, Dr Grant for the psychological but the selfish part is killin me! On my ride to work yesterday, I was looking in the cars, and it seemed like EVERYONE was smoking, I was like "Fuck that, if they can smoke, why can't I?"  I bet they have kids, wives etc...Why do they still get to smoke???  After lunch...Oh yeah, the smoking patio was poppin off...Oh yeah and I forgot to mention I didn't smoke cigarettes.  I was a consumer of the Urban Tipped Cigar of choice...yes you said it...The Black and Mild, a good friend (welcome back to domestic soil soldier, we missed u!) referred to it as the "Colt 45 of cigarettes" LOL...I'm mentioning that to say that all the White and Asian people are always like "OOOHHH that smells soooo good!"  I was like the smoking patio cool guy with my hood cigars!!

In short I made it, but I learned that my selfish trigger is the most dangerous...not seeing lighters, or driving past a 7-Eleven or any  other random store...It's my "Fuck that" which my biggest threat in these divorce proceedings.  Today is a new day and I will not smoke. The grad class I teach starts tonight and have no idea what to do on my break...

Week One-D1...The Divorce

Last night I submitted divorce papers to my mistress of 15 years.  Someone I could always count on to relieve my stress, entertain me on my rides to and from work and of course to extend the reach of my Whiskey (Old No.7)...She became a reliable fixture in my world, for the right price she was always there and I could find her anywhere. Although I knew she was no good for me I would entertain her daily, relying on Curve (circa 1995), Issey Miyake (circa 2000), Bulgari Aqua (2005) and Gucci Envy (yesterday) to hide the evidence of my relationship with her.  Her government name Nicotiana, Nicotiana Tabacum...Tobacco to you common folk, those not so intimately tangled in her web.  Indigenous to N & S America, parts of Africa and Australia, this green leafy plant has been treated and manipulated so that we become unable and unwilling to end any relationship with her.
Today marks the first day of my fifth attempt to end this dance with Nicotiana...I am not looking forward to my drive to work in the morning (in a couple hours), I am not looking forward to my post lunch urges to go downstairs, I am not looking forward to my drive home and I am not looking forward to my glass of wine with dinner...why, because Nicotiana Tabacum will not be with me...
Over the next 52 weeks, I will blog about my divorce from Nicotiana...what I learn about myself, how my body changes, how my relationships change, how my work outs change and most importantly, how my psyche changes.  Millions of people try to leave her everyday and fail, I claim success over  her today although I know it will be difficult.  I had a client once tell me that it was more difficult to quite smoking cigarettes than it was to quite shooting Heroine...this was only after he disclosed that he ejaculated the first time he used Heroine...not encouraging.
So last night while listening to Common's "Finding Forever", I divorced Nicotiana Tabacum and look forward to a life without her...let's see how it goes...